"A man should keep his friendships in constant repair" a quote from Samuel Johnson which is as true today as it was in his time. How do you keep your friendships in repair? You meet someone, find you have a lot in common and see each other regularly. Then they or you move away. After a while telephone calls become less frequent. If you are of my generation, you still write a Christmas card and a letter, long or short, which tells what you have been doing since last year's card. You'll still be in touch but if you were to meet up there might be awkward silences. Yes, I am guilty of this, too.
I was reminded of this recently when an old friend phoned me. We had shared a flat in London for a few years. I don't keep in touch with her regularly. And yet we chatted as if we had seen each other only yesterday. It's the same with another friend of mine, who I only meet or phone periodically. Yet, we have no difficulty in continuing where we let off in our conversation of last time. Again, she is someone I shared a flat with many years ago.
Under normal circumstances I would never have formed a friendship with either of these two women. We are totally dissimilar. If we had met at a party, we'd have most likely exchanged small talk and moved on. But we were thrown together when we shared a flat. I have shared a flat with many different people. It was inevitable. Flatmates got married, moved away and I got married myself. So what kept these two friendships alive all these years (too many years to admit to it!!) ? My two friends live in different countries and do not know each other. They probably would not even gel if they were introduced.
I don't really have an explanation. Perhaps it is because we shared a few ups and downs in our lives. Perhaps we resonated, deep down, with each other. Because, with one or two exceptions, I have not kept up with any of the other flatmates I had. Certainly I have not the same feeling of friendship towards them.
True friendship is not based on similarity, it would appear. Maybe it is based on sincerity, on being interested in one another's happiness. On being there if the other person wants to pour her/his heart out. I added "his" because men can make great friends, too. It is just that I have never shared a flat with a male and thus cannot give any opinion on forming friendships in that context.
In my novels LOVE AT A LATER DATE and LOVE AT CLOSE RANGE, Ginny and Deirdre are close friends although they are totally different from each other in outlook. They have each other's welfare very much at heart. We all know that such friendships are rare and all the more precious for that.
Maybe we should let our friends know how much we care about them once in a while.
